Mike's Bed-and-make-your-own-damn-Breakfast II

Like Staying inside Mary Poppins handbag...if Mary Poppins became nanny in a commune. A suburban home on acid. DISCOUNT IF YOU’RE RUNNING FROM ICE. Cottage core, meets drab vintage coastal, meets Mid-century hippie boho, meets Camp Pop-Culture Mecca, meets modern Hindu temple, meets British Royal Kitsch. 15 minutes from Sandy Hook. 30 minutes from Asbury Park. 12 minutes from PNC Bank Arts Center. 45 minutes to NYC by car (no traffic) 1hr 10 by train or Ferry five minutes away. The space Home ownership with a sense of humour. Suburbia not taken seriously. Interior Design turned on its head. Something to make Guillaume Alan gag. Yet, everything in the home meticulously placed with a story behind each item. Guests will mostly be staying in The "JAMES CHRISTOPHER DARLING MEMORIAL LIBRARY/COCKTAIL LOUNGE, LIVING MUSEUM, & WE WORK SPACE" (James is alive and well, but what's the point of having a Library named after you if you're not alive to attend the ribbon cutting?) This bedroom, normally functions as basically my art studio. (don't comment on the screen printing ink on the floor, I ain't got the patience to scrape it off drip by drip...stay at a Holiday Inn if you have a problem with it.) Anyone need canvas prints or wallpaper? There's a wide format printer in there... The decor is blacklight Acid trip Hippie museum bohemian kitsch chic. The room is complete with biggest TV in the house, desk, mini fridge and what I would call a Divine Berth of Swedish Extraction… (Okay, it’s from IKEA...) by day it is a luxurious lounge for your 55” television viewing pleasure—and by night it transforms into a cloud of slumber fit for a King…..(it’s a daybed with three modes—-couch, twin or King. Take your pick bro.) as a back-up bedroom, or recreation space especially for our musically inclined guests we offer the "Ginny DeFalco Mom-morial Mediation Room and Zen Garden." probably the warmest room in the house, adorned with flowers and vines, it may be only a pull-out couch but this room features a guitars, auto harp, mandolin, flutes and even an organ for any music lover. This room also has deck access for our late night smokers (this room is preferably a no smoking room, unless you want my mother to haunt your ass during your stay.) Other home features include did i mention dog? laundry facility, full kitchen, large main living room (and yes blacklight couch) smoking is permitted almost encouraged as long as you're sharing... (except in Meditation Room, you've been warned.) Overall a warm, friendly, fun lively environment. near the bayshore and a bike trail to Sandy Hook, great for any fitness lover. Guest access Kitchen, Living Room, Deck, Backyard, Front Yard... I NEED TO MAKE THIS CLEAR. I ALSO LIVE IN THE HOUSE. THIS HOUSE COMES WITH A LIVE-IN HOST. AT LEAST I'M KIND, SWEET, GENEROUS AND MOST OF ALL, I'M FUNNY. I could be a live-in host and be a complete dickhead but I'm not... which is great for y'all. During your stay I live in the house with you during your stay. You could say I am a live-in consierge. I know, a bit unconventional for Airbnb. But I ask you: Isn't there always some fat, sleazy schmuck manning the desk at a hotel all night? That's me, I'm basically that fat, sleazy schmuck to you. There are benefits to having a live-in consierge during your stay; recommending places to eat, things to do, rattling off hours of useless local history that you really don't give a shit to hear about, getting you towels, telling you where I keep the glasses and pans. See? I can be useful. I'd like to think I'm a fun person, so don't worry I won't cramp your style if you're trying to get down. I'm a night owl so party if you want to, you don't have to worry about me. I'm usually down to hang out...Or, if you want I could fuck right off...I'm pretty good at reading the room so I follow the guest's lead. Other things to note If you want Luxury: Stay at a Hyatt Regency. If you want friendly staff with eerie smiles on their faces and a song in their heart and passive-aggressive customer service skills: Stay at a Best Western. If you want a roof over your head, near the beach for half the price of even the sleaziest motels, but with arguably better wallpaper? Stay at with me. MIKE'S BED-AND-MAKE-YOUR-OWN-DAMN- BREAKFAST II: The Second Helping. did I mention I live on the premises? read all this and tell me I don't sound like a barrel of laughs...